What would happen if you were sent to cover Breaking Dawn part 2 and knew nothing at all about the books and films?

I first learned about Twilight four years ago, when a former employer at a talent agency handed me a note that read “Twilight Stephenie Meyer” and instructed me to pick it up at a local bookstore. After walking into the store, I handed this piece of paper to the first employee I could find. I said: “Do you guys have a book called Twilight?” and “It’s by or about someone named Stephenie Meyer.” The employee just laughed and pointed over my shoulder to a six-foot-tall display for the book series. Possibly out of resentment, I remained willfully ignorant of the series ever since. I have gleaned this and only this info in the years since: There is someone named Jacob and someone named Edward. One is a vampire and one is a werewolf, not sure which is which. One is played by Taylor Lautner and one is played by Robert Pattinson (whose last name I recently learned was not Paterson). I also haven’t seen either in any other movies, other than T-Laut’s appearance in Valentine’s Day (appearing with his then-girlfriend Taylor Swift — I know that). Also, Kristen Stewart is in the movies. I don’t know her character’s name or if she is a human or vampire or werewolf. That is all I knew when I was assigned to go see a screening of Breaking Dawn – Part 2 and told to write down my confused thoughts and questions as I watched. Here are my notes, chronologically. (Spoilers follow. But if you, like me, are clueless about Twilight, they won’t ruin your day.)

Read his actual reactions on Vulture, they are HILARIOUS! TY to Joel for sending this in.

Here’s how the New York’s Vulture described Twilight Fans.

DEVOTIONAL PROFILE: Every so often, Hollywood gets a reminder that young men aren’t the only ones who go to the movies in droves. It happened in 1997, when Titanic became a cross-demographic blockbuster that nonetheless earned most of its cash thanks to repeat business from young women. Still, the lesson didn’t truly sink in until 2008, when the first Twilight film earned a staggering $192 million from an audience that was almost exclusively female. The first film was well timed, arriving at the feverish peak of popularity for Meyer’s book series, and it made superstars of its three leads; the next three sequels would do even better, earning around $300 million each. Studios that had formerly been on the hunt for the next Harry Potter franchise now modified their search: Maybe, if they tracked the avid reading habits of young women, they could find the next book-to-film phenomenon in its infancy.

What was it about the Twilight series that fans sparked to? Partly, it’s the way the series flirts with sex (the bloody transition from human to vamp is a metaphor for the loss of virginity) while still remaining chaste enough that younger fans can be drawn in … at least until Edward and Bella have their honeymoon night. But Meyer was smart to stoke her fans’ passions with the central love triangle between Bella and her beaus Edward and Jacob; when battle lines were drawn online between those who were Team Edward and those on Team Jacob, it only increased the bond between the reader (or viewer) and Meyer’s story. Twilight fans are so ardent, in fact, that geek mecca Comic-Con had to start slotting its Twilight panels earlier in the convention to suit the Twi-hards, who regularly queue up days in advance for the film franchise’s panels, swamping the less devoted fans of Marvel movies and other comic-book blockbusters. Those boy-heavy fan bases bristled at the intrusion, but they’d better get used to it: The record-breaking success of Twilight on the best seller list, at the box office, and on home video is only the beginning of a femme-dominated genre force, not an anomaly.